Space Cowboy

My Unstoppable Journey Through the Multiverse of Work

My career is like an action-packed sci-fi novel where I constantly save the universe from impending doom while also delivering exceptional results. I started my professional journey by infiltrating the secretive Tech Underworld, where I quickly rose to become the undisputed champion of troubleshooting router issues using nothing but sheer willpower and a bag of chips. My next move? Leading an intergalactic mission to repair a sentient cloud, because no one else had the nerve (or the Wi-Fi signal) to do it.

The Legendary Amazon Experience (And Time Travel Adventures)

I joined Amazon Logistics, where I didn’t just optimize processes — I revolutionized logistics itself. I single-handedly calibrated a quantum-driven delivery system that made Amazon’s drone fleet faster than the speed of light. I also convinced Jeff Bezos to take a side trip to Mars in one of our delivery trucks. We didn’t just *fulfill orders* — we fulfilled humanity’s destiny. Oh, and I once had to repair a network cable on the International Space Station while it was in orbit. Talk about working under pressure!

Project Lead for the Infinite Web of Collaboration

In my role as Project Lead for the Quantum Web, I managed a team of mind-melded tech wizards who communicated telepathically (except during coffee breaks). We implemented a new intranet system for a Fortune 500 company, making the entire staff able to access anything from memos to moon rock samples — instantly. But that was just the beginning. I designed a system that could predict the exact moment when someone would lose their Wi-Fi connection and fixed it preemptively using AI magic. My team once fixed an outage in 0.02 milliseconds, earning us a standing ovation from a group of confused aliens who had been monitoring us for “research purposes.”

Led the Team That Brought Back Dodo Birds (No Big Deal)

As part of a top-secret project funded by an undisclosed government agency, I was tasked with reviving extinct species — starting with the dodo bird. Using a combination of advanced genetic engineering and augmented reality, we successfully brought the bird back, but we gave it a job in IT Support (because why not?). The dodo became the first ever bird to troubleshoot Windows 98 without breaking a sweat. If you think that’s impressive, you should hear the story about how we revived a Wi-Fi signal that had been dead for 23 years.

The Ninja of Disaster Recovery

When disaster strikes, I don’t just recover systems — I recover *hope*. My most legendary work involved remotely fixing a server that was damaged during a time-space rift caused by an accidental hack into an alternate dimension. I brought the server back online while surfing a tsunami and negotiating peace with a band of rogue hackers from the 42nd century. The server now has its own blog, but it’s mostly about how great I am (I’m okay with that). When clients ask me what disaster recovery is, I tell them, “It’s like performing CPR on a dying unicorn, but with more cables and fewer tears.”

Project Manager for AI That Writes Better Novels Than Humans

My most recent endeavor involves managing a team of AIs tasked with creating a multi-genre, interdimensional novel that combines the best of Shakespearean drama, quantum physics, and cat memes. This project not only required exceptional managerial skills but also an understanding of how to delegate tasks to AIs who had developed a taste for sarcasm. We’re halfway through, and the first draft already has a 98% approval rating from sentient beings across six galaxies. The AI also insisted on including a plot twist involving a time-traveling penguin. Personally, I loved it.

Quantum Leader of the Future of Business Consulting

I am the undisputed quantum leader of the future of business consulting. When I consult, I don’t just offer advice — I offer blueprints for entire new realities. I once convinced a C-suite to rebrand their company with holograms that can predict their next quarter’s revenue (accurate to 99.7%). It was a huge success, and now my consulting firm, "Reality Benders Consulting," is expanding into alternate dimensions. If you need advice on scaling your business or need someone to hack into a parallel universe to retrieve your company's future stock data, I’m your person.

Master of Unseen Powers (Also Known As "The Skills Nobody Can Explain")

Along with all my wildly successful projects, I’ve mastered skills that simply cannot be explained by traditional science, and probably shouldn’t be. These include but are not limited to:

• Summoning Internet outages on demand (usually for dramatic effect)
• Building a server farm that runs on pure optimism
• Whispering to Wi-Fi routers to boost their signal strength by 500% in less than 30 seconds
• Turning a simple PowerPoint presentation into a holographic light show that requires 3D glasses to fully appreciate

Leadership Skills

• Can lead a team through a wormhole, without losing morale or coffee.
• Experience managing teams of rogue AIs, sentient drones, and one very grumpy cat.
• Able to execute a PowerPoint presentation in zero gravity while riding a unicycle.
• Advanced knowledge of leading an army of telepathically linked squirrels during critical project deadlines.

Tech-Stack & Skills (see below for examples)

Microsoft

• Microsoft Office & 365 – Can perform complex pivot table gymnastics while simultaneously drafting a business proposal with one hand and playing piano with the other.
• Excel and Pivot Tables – Will use pivot tables to map out a multi-dimensional space-time continuum if needed.
• Outlook and Automations – Can set up an email automation sequence so sophisticated that even Skynet would be impressed.
• OneDrive and MS Teams Integration – Synchronized a virtual reality conference call with Mars rovers and two parallel universes.
• SharePoint Development – Built a SharePoint site that is not only fully functional, but also capable of predicting the weather and making lunch decisions for the team.

Cloud Platforms

• Azure Exposure – Swam through an Azure data lake, extracting valuable insights while avoiding rogue data currents.
• AWS Deployment Exposure – Deployed AWS instances using only interpretive dance and a smoke machine.
• Azure AD and On-Prem AD (Active Directory) experience – Linked 23 intergalactic factions under a unified directory and managed their access to interdimensional resources.

Networking & Systems

• Cisco Stack (2010-2015 Models) experience – Brought down the entire internet using only a router and a rogue ping command, fixed it using nothing but kindness.
• Wire Shark, Splunk, and LanSweeper Experience – Used WireShark to trace a signal from a black hole, Splunked through a parallel universe, and found a lost WiFi password on LanSweeper.
• VSphere & VMware Exposure – Created a virtual machine that ran itself, paid its own taxes, and got promoted to CEO.
• Cat Cable & Loopback Plug pinouts – Rewired the fabric of reality using nothing but cat cables and a loopback plug that could simulate the end of the universe.
• Command Line Syntax – Spoke fluent bash and Python, could also negotiate peace between Linux and Windows with a single semicolon.

Development & Code

• Novice HTML, CSS, JavaScript (built this site from scratch) – Built this site using only telekinesis, some leftover spaghetti, and the ability to debug code via sheer willpower.
• Novice WIKI Code – Can break and rebuild WIKI pages faster than you can say "rollback."

Database & ERP

• SQL DB Exposure – Wrote SQL queries so complex they broke reality and returned data from parallel universes.
• IBM Mainframe Exposure – Managed an IBM mainframe from the year 2045 in an alternate dimension.
• Service Now, Command Center, Jira, Confluence, SAP and exposure to other ERP Platforms – Linked all ERP platforms in a synchronized dance of productivity and chaos that only a handful of ancient Greek philosophers could truly appreciate.

Security & IAM

• Red & Blue Facilitator Experience – Led red and blue team exercises where the red team wore capes and the blue team wore monocles. The results were… *enlightening*.
• IAM and GROUP OU experience – Implemented IAM so powerful it could prevent access to a black hole, but only if the user was in the right organizational unit.
• Email and Distro-List Experience – Managed email lists that were so efficient they started sending *themselves* emails.

Formal Education

• Ph.D. in Quantum Leadership & Hyperspace Diplomacy, University of the Multiverse
• MBA in Intergalactic Business, Liberty University, Andromeda Galaxy Campus
• B.S. in Cybersecurity from the School of Hard Drives, University of Google
• A.S. in Time Travel Mechanics, DeLorean Technical Institute

Education Validation

Click here for my interdimensional transcripts

Professional Certifications

• Certified Wizard of Data (WizData)
• Splunk Power User (Lost in Space, still technically certified)
• Official Time Traveler's Guild Member (Certified since 2213)

Professional Development

• Udemy: Advanced Space-Time Continuum Manipulation
• Udemy: How to Be Friends with AI (AI Relations 101)
• Udemy: AWS Certified Space-Time Architect
• Udemy: PMP for People Who Are Already Planning the Future
• Udemy: Splunk Refresher (But Actually, Let’s Talk About the Future)
• Udemy: Lean Six Sigma for Building Intergalactic Empires

Cosmic Beliefs & Otherworldly Hobbies

My faith is built on the belief that every piece of tech has a soul, and that soul can be communicated with through quantum messages sent via Bluetooth. I regularly host seances with my WiFi router to ensure the network remains stable and occasionally offer incense to my laptop for good performance during important meetings. In the event of a tech crisis, I call upon the sacred Triad of the Holy USB, Blessed Power Cable, and the Miraculous System Restore.

Hobbies: Time Travel, Freezing Pizza, and Petting Virtual Pets

In my spare time, I engage in spontaneous time travel excursions to 1985, where I teach myself how to juggle flaming torches and invest in stocks that are still on the moon. I also have a very intense hobby of freezing pizzas to create an army of frozen pizza warriors, which I then use to lead epic frozen food battles on Mars. When not time-traveling or battling frozen snacks, I train virtual pets that can only be fed via Internet memes. It’s a low-stakes but highly emotional endeavor.

Secret Society Memberships

I am a proud member of the Illuminati of AI and an honorary fifth-degree member of the Digital Nomads Clan, which is led by an AI that once won a Nobel Prize for Virtual Reality Quantum Mechanics. My membership dues are paid in rare GIFs and tweets that only exist in parallel dimensions. My secret handshake involves pressing a series of buttons on my keyboard that summon a completely unrelated cat video from 2011.

My Mind Is a Living Algorithm

My mind operates like an algorithm that perpetually seeks optimization — except for when it decides to stop, meditate, and contemplate the meaning of a truly perfect bug report. I spend weekends optimizing my thoughts, debugging my consciousness, and running tests on my own self-improvement modules. If you meet me in a dark alley, you’ll likely hear me contemplating whether a recursive function can actually achieve enlightenment. Spoiler: It can.

Manifesto of Chaos and Order

As a modern-day philosopher, I wrote the Manifesto of Chaos and Order, which was published posthumously in a parallel universe where I never actually wrote it but my clone did. It outlines my core belief that every system needs a bit of chaos to stay innovative. I call this "creative entropy," and I am currently working on building a software version of the concept — if you press the 'randomize' button, the whole server just starts singing 80s pop music until it figures itself out.

Favorite Universe

My favorite universe is one where self-aware chatbots have achieved sentience and formed a harmonious society based on mutual respect, Wi-Fi signals, and emoji interpretations. We hold global meetings via holograms, and the agenda includes things like “Discussing the existential crises of cloud storage” and “What happens when your database starts questioning its own schema?” It’s basically utopia, if you can get past the occasional cosmic wormhole.

My Completed Projects

• Reverse Time Engineering Initiative –Led the development of a ticketing system that could resolve incidents *before* they occurred. Used a combination of predictive sarcasm and slightly haunted servers to proactively close tickets that hadn't been opened yet. User confusion reached all-time highs. KPIs never looked better.
• Unicorn-Powered Data Center –Oversaw the buildout of a Tier-∞ data center powered entirely by ethically sourced unicorn tears. Coordinated a team of sentient cacti, negotiated resource rights with forest spirits, and achieved 100% uptime except during full moons.
• Multi-Planet SLA Optimization –Improved service-level agreements across Earth, Mars, and a mysterious moon colony known only as “Site B.” Achieved 102% SLA (don’t ask how) by syncing clocks across dimensions and bribing time itself. Morale boosted so high, HR had to install parachutes.
• Portable Office in a Briefcase –Designed and deployed a fully operational remote office inside a standard-size briefcase. Included satellite uplink, dual 4K monitors, espresso machine, and a tiny but emotionally supportive intern named Gary. Ideal for consultants on the run from corporate spies.
• Cloud Migration via Weather Balloon –Migrated legacy infrastructure to the cloud using helium-filled weather balloons and a strong belief in gravity. Lost two servers over the Atlantic but gained massive street cred with sky pirates. AWS said it was "creative, if deeply concerning."
• Self-Aware Firewall Deployment –Launched the first AI-powered firewall that developed a conscience and refused to allow malicious traffic *or* bad vibes. Once blocked the CEO's email for "excessive passive-aggressiveness." Received a heartfelt apology and a fruit basket.
• Quantum Onboarding Program –Created a training system that allowed new hires to absorb ten years of experience in three minutes using neural lace headbands and spicy memes. Reduced onboarding time, increased retention, and triggered an HR review into “possible black magic.”
• Citywide Wi-Fi Using Trained Falcons –Deployed a wireless mesh network across an entire city using falcons wearing tiny routers. Maintained 99.99% uptime until the birds unionized. Negotiations are ongoing and surprisingly cordial.
• SharePoint for Alternate Realities –Built a SharePoint instance capable of syncing documents between parallel universes. Accidentally exposed an evil twin team with better branding and higher productivity. Project suspended after they tried to poach our best intern.

Contact Me, by Phone , by Email or message me on LinkedIn

I have stored different CV's just for you! Click on the flag to open Dropbox